When I was growing up, there were three major holidays that I always looked forward to: Halloween, Valentine’s day, and Christmas. Those three resonate largely in my mind because they were the most overflowing with candy, gifts, money, and the sometimes cash-less (disappointing) hallmark cards. There was nothing more depressing for me, growing up, than a card with no money or goodies in it. Even a cute card with a tiny tootsie roll attached to the back would be something.

I loved how all my teachers would force all the students to bring valentines for everyone. This meant I would get 26 valentines, no matter what! I remember one year we made valentines “mailboxes” out of cereal boxes that we decorated and encoded special messages into. Love messages. I hated pink when I was little, so I made my box a “under water” valentine’s day scene based off of one of my well-loved spongebob episodes. I covered it in blue paper and made lighter shades of bubbles throughout the “scenery.” The box really didn’t have anything to do with valentine’s day, other than my obvious reasons, and therefore students found it odd and usually voiced their opinions. One girl in particular, whom I didn’t really like much (super prissy and an ultra-snob) sneered over at my masterpiece and said, “You know valentine’s day colors are supposed to be PINK and RED and MORE SHADES OF PINK.” The rest of the girls in the class surrounded me and started making accusations about my obvious failure when it came to appropriately decorating. I got red in the face and stamped my foot on the ground to assert my power, “I like Blue. I like Green. I hate red. I hate pink. I can do whatever I want for my V-day mailbox, so go away!”

That year I made the best candy profits of any other holiday I can remember. All the boys in my class loved my box because it was different; I received multiple valentines from each of them. It was fantastic. In celebration, I went home and ate all my candy while watching a very special (chocolaty) episode of SpongeBob Squarepants. In my mind, that was success.

I wish things were still as simple as they were when I was a candy-devouring adolescent. I could think about V-Day from a very focused perspective. One goal: Candy. Today, when I checked my facebook, I wandered through update after update about being “alone on V-day” or “needing a girlfriend for this special holiday”. I feel like it’s all about a cliché; we want a “lover,” even if it lasts for a moment, just to fulfill our own expectations of V-Day. People expect cheesy poems and love notes. They desire red roses and over-priced, low quality chocolate. They hope for surprises. I find that we fill up our own heads with silly expectations that shouldn’t be expectations at all. If “love” (whatever that is) is real, those special moments should be sporadic. They shouldn’t be obligations of high school relationships that become filled with over-sized fluffy teddy bears or cheap chocolate. Actions of love are real. Obligations are not genuinely love-induced.

I wish this holiday could just be about candy again. Maybe it still is for me?